Questions to myself

Questions to Myself
(thanks to Heather from setting her free- you are such an inspiration!)

1. What types of food were you most likely to overeat?

Perhaps it would be quicker to write down what I wasnt likely to eat? *sigh* The main foods I would make my self sick on was big bowls of pasta, bread, gourmet cheeses, lindt chocolate, and pizza.



2. What times of day did you overeat most often?
Lunch was a big trap for me. I work in the city and there are so many delicious food options literally across the road from my office- Chinese, McDonalds, KFC, Mexican, Thai, counter meals....! I really enjoyed the choice available and ate a bigger and bigger lunch every week, convincing myself it was healthier to have a large meal in the day time and a small on at night. But then that night, I would still have a normal sized dinner!


3. What feelings were you having most often when you overate?
Whilst I was over eating, I felt really satisfied and happy. Afterwards? Guilt and shame for having eaten such a large meal. I would even lie to my coworkers about my large portions, saying stuff like 'I ordered this, but they gave me the wrong order and now I have all this!' That made me feel even lower afterwards and I'm so ahsamed of myself for that.


4. Do you think you have a binge eating disorder?
I dont think I did- I think I just had poor eating habits eg never having breakfast, not drinking water etc. Obviously the huge lunches didnt help, but I would never just go home and eat and eat.


5. What circumstances in your life do you believe contributed to your weight gain?

Well I have honestly been overweight since my early teens. I remember being a bit chubby in Yr 7, but not what anyone would ever call fat. I did dance programs at my school and competitions, and my weight would go up and down depending on that. Around Yr 9 I got to my smallest, probably a size 12. It went downhill from there- I got a job at the local McDonalds. When I left high school I was a size 14 up top ad 16 down the bottom at 75kg and quite unhappy. Three years after high school, it seems I have put on an average of 10kg on every year!

My parents are both diabetic- consequently I have grown up classifying foods as 'good' and 'bad.' I was the kid that had never had a cheeseburger, the kid that didnt know what white bread tasted like, the kid that BEGGED their mum for roll-ups and muesli bars at the milk bar.

I'm pretty sure thats why I have such a messed up relationship with food- and as soon as I got my first job, I would waste my whole pay on junk food.



6. Do you 'blame' anyone for your weight?
No- ultimately everything I have eaten has been my own fault. It's funny though- genes definitely play a part in it. Growing up, my sisters and I all ate the same yet they stayed very slim. We were all inactive, just like my Mum. All of our hobbies were sedentary ones like reading, boardgames, watching movies etc. I used to sob my little heart out in my room at how unfair it was that they never put on weight.

That was until this year, when I met my biological fathers family. (My sisters were from my Mum's first marriage) I met my half brother who is morbidly obese. I met my aunties and uncles, all of whom were morbidly obese. They showed photos of my deceased biological father- who was also morbidly obese.

So i guess I do curse my genes on one side of the family, but yet know that I am where I am because of my own bad habits.

7. What other behaviors made you overweight?
I have gone on new 'diets' and 'regimes' atleast once a month since I was 15. Honestly, once I got to 20, I did not give a shit anymore. I ate and ate and ate, resigned to the fact I was going to be fat all of my life and I needed to accept that.
No breakfast since the age of 13 has obviously not helped.


8. Were you active or exercising while you gained weight?
Sometimes. I've joined Fernwood and Curves before, tried power walking every night. But ever exercise that actually made me hurt the next day, or think I wasn't going to be able to breath. So never enough, really.

9. Why did you choose that activity level?
I'm lazy. I much prefer to be inside reading a book than outside! Now im just trying to retrain myself to like exercise.

10. What made you finally want to change?
It's hard to say really- I think the everything just kind of worked out perfectly. A new weight loss centre had opened near work, I was happier than ever, had more time to myself now my boyfriend had started workig night shift...it just felt like I could make it work this time.